just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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