I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
