His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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