just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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