the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize