The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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