i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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