I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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