My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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