There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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