tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
then he tried to convert me to islam
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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