Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
