i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
