WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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