gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
