come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i was born a porn star she said
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
