are you so shy because you have an std?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
