You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
