The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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