Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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