I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
