best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
