This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
