I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
