Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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