Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
