i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
