so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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