we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
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Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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