I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
