I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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