And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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