too bad you live with your parents still
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
