Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
