My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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