In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
