And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
