I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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