I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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