It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
