Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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