turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
