You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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