I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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