I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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