Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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