HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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