So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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