don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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