I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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