Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
