Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
