My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
organizing the empties. That sober.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
