Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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