My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just high enough for therapy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
