i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
