and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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