no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
home. puking in laundry basket.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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