hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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