Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
