i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
