I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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