why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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