Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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