Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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