last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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