Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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