She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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