I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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