Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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