PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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