the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
