white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We're too hungover to prance.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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