My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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