i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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