i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
