oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Houston, we have a blender
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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