My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
