I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
